So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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