so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i came on her dog
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
