Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
