He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
