But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
