I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
