would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize