We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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