my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
