is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
