O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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