i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
