Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
