i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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