i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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