the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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