If that was your dad, he is hot
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
