he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
