This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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