if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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