i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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