Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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