I met the friendliest cop last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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