I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
