im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
