i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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