and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
