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• (917): View more from New York City

  But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices

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• (212): View more from New York

  He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  well ya only live once...

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do

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