are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
