What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm passing your future prison.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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