worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
