This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
