Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
