My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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