Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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