I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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