I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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