I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
