So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
