You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
