'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
