another moral hangover. fuck.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
