My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
