and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize