Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize