I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
