Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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