he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
