I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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