everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
