Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
