I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
