Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
