I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
