I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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