if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
