party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
