sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
