...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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