Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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