PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
