he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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