i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
