he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
