My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
