I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize