My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
