I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
