addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
